Forceful autism makes communication impossible to have meaningful and gallant learning and living. I have autism! Vain teachings can become belittling and meaningless to swallow.
Bam! The mention of another therapy. Mom was talking to Ms. Katie, my Speech Therapist, about trying Occupational Therapy for my genetic low muscle tone. I was about five years old.
“I think we need to try OT,” said Mommy with a hopeful tone.
“It will help his motor skills,” said Ms. Katie with love and concern.
Madness! I am thinking to myself because I want communication. Can’t you hear me needing to incite Mommy and doctors to hear my words that are trapped in my mind and body? Heavy sadness erupted inside me making wonderment battle to find meaningful communication. Does anyone hear me speak besides me? I continued as a maverick to better my autism hoping an angel will arrive to amend my great, gallant, silent, intelligent language. I was at my breaking point causing tremendous anguish for my Mom and me. I asked God for help. I have been patiently waiting for a sign of needed inspiration and hope.
Candidly, I gathered my memories of when I was two years old and have beginnings of how I am autistic. I hear everything but I am unable to respond to dapper, loving, beautiful Moms. Mere conversations happen all the time, and I am screaming the answers inside my mind telling everyone, I am able, hear me now! But silence is still really me. I really began to fall into desperate amending behaviors to get free and to have spoken language making my great learning revealed. Everyone thinks I am learning disabled; however, that is far from the truth.
“Baxter show me the tree,” said my teacher, when I was five years old, as she waited for me to pick up the picture on the table.
I know what a tree is and I know my colors already! I screamed in my head. Why can’t my body move? This is insane.
All my teachers make tiring compassionate aim to try to help me speak. I am very emotional begging God hard to please give me a voice. Inspiring Moms helped to locate more specialists determined to amend my voice. Can they really help me? Can they get my body to work with my mind? My harrowing body was getting more out of control to work beside my thoughts. Mommy was calling me, but I could not move to see what she needed.
“Baxter, come here please,” said Mommy with amazing hope that I would come.
Get up. I said to myself but my body would not cooperate. Sadness again.
I can’t amend my body myself no matter how hard I try. Everyone thinks I don’t really understand, but it is so frustrating to have intelligence with havoc in my body telling lies.
As months go by, I continue to carve wretched beneficial tantrums, questioning in my mind, Why me, happy me God? Explain this madness. Have mercy on me. I have so much to give. Can you hear me God through my words in my mind? Care becomes really needed when I have tantrums so calmness initiates my body.
How do I implore my inspiring Moms to awake my meaningful body making needed hope to become a marvelous typical boy? I believed calling to God will be answered.
One day, I heard my Teacher tell my Mommy that I was not understanding how to add. My Mommy shared other ways but they did not work either. It became clear that I was to be a mute boy. However, my Moms were not giving up and neither was I.
In March, my Mommy called HALO to make an appointment. I was six and a half years old and gallantly wondered what to expect. The day finally came to have my HALO appointment. Yearning to speak tended to be my saving grace. It was bright that day bringing tenderness inside the calm call of Soma, who is the Teacher.
“Come now, here is our timer…let’s start with Math,” said Soma valiantly.
My amazing senses are heavenly having awakenings. I said in my mind.
I was happily energized by the way she talked making me be magnificent in how she was able to make connections with my heavy disconnected body and mind.
Could this be the answers to my prayers? Capable hallmark moments developed over a few sessions with amazing intensity. Soma healed my behaviors with high energy and had great intelligent meaningful lessons every session. She believed I was intelligent. Mommy cried weekly seeing that this was finally the answer.
Generating valiant meaningful language was developing by pointing on a letterboard. Letter by letter, I painstakingly pointed out words that were my own. I thought, I am finally making words. Balance was forming in my mind and body. I remember the first sentence I pointed with Soma. I pointed, “God is in my family.” Then all the hallmark words flowed out of me.
“Soma, I am amazed.” Mommy said as tears ran down her face. “Who is going to believe that Baxter is intelligent?”
“They don’t have to.” Soma said with great confidence as she darted out of the room.
At last, salvation gallantly came into my autistic life. I can now be heard and be thought of as intelligent. My Moms never doubted needed capabilities in me and I love tender, happy, heavenly words flowing from my new letterboard voice.
Finally, I found my new letterboard voice. Meaningful inspiration in Soma gave me a new amazing hope for a better life of education and communication. What will the future hold for me? Can I make my letterboard voice work with my Moms and Teachers? These were the questions I asked myself in my mind and fleeting moments of tears run down my face because I was saved by an angel named Soma.
