Tick tock, tick tock, the holidays are fast approaching. We all know what that means: relatives! Grandma may not get run over by a reindeer this holiday season, but nonetheless little monsters seem to follow her where ever she turns up. The holidays have to be perfect for her little mini-me’s!
But, OCD grandmothers tend to not be the only family members with some weird, if not downright uncultured, habits. Exhibit A: That two year old cousin who seems so cute at first glance, but secretly she’s got a tendency to pick her nose and THEN grab the cookie. And then you spy her putting it back. Oh well, guess the little princess didn’t want that particular cookie- wookie. That’s okay. She can finger the rest of them until she finds the one she did want!
‘Oh Captain, my Captain! You’re mean!’
No I’m not. I’m just observant. I particularly love the homemade baked goods the aunts bring each year. Exactly what is in that Jell-O mold? Are we sure that’s all just fruit stuck in greenish goo? How about those thick cookies you bite down in, and yet you just can’t place the taste or texture? Personally, I warily eye them as less good and more “so nice to see you again! Here! Try a cold!”
Not that…you can say that of course. This Cavechick definitely would not. Because you can’t. It’s rude. Just remember that your Captain did tell you not to eat that cookie.
Hence, the holidays are the inspiration to go off the beaten track of my usual puzzles, puzzlists, and write this primer up on how to avoid getting sick of—I mean from—your more fun from a distance family. Here’s how the game is played, iGlobers…
I’m going to give you three different situations.
I’m going to give you three different options.
You’re going to pick which you would do in that situation.
Remember, there’s really only one right answer. See if you can get it!
This reclusive Cavechick will be looking for your answers in the comments section below, and respond accordingly!
SITUATION #1: The cute little cousin I mentioned earlier is at it again! Unsuspectingly, you wander into the kitchen with one goal in mind: to get a slice of fudge. And not just any wedge of fudge, your aunt’s homemade rich dark chocolate fudge made from a secret family recipe. They are actually pretty good, and you look forward to it each December. Of course, when you get there you see your cousin with one finger in her nose and eyeing the fudge in the way all cookies want to be looked at. She then picks up a wedge with the hand she was previously picking her nose with, gives it a once over, and drops it back on the plate. Your aunt walks in a second later, and picks up that exact same piece. Seeing that’s she’s ready to take a bite out of it, you…
Slowly walk out of the room, and pretend you don’t know what just happened right before your aunt walked in. After all, it’s just a little bugger finger, right? They’re even related! Not…a…problem…just… walk… away… slowly.
Jump up and grab that fudge! Ignore your aunt’s shout and shove that thing in your mouth! Try not to think about it as you grin nervously, and say that you really wanted this particular wedge. Just take one for the team, it’s only a little buggery…
Honesty is the best policy! Even if it is her cute little daughter, you bluntly tell your aunt a moment before she eats the chocolatey goodness that her daughter smeared mucus all over that unfortunate cut.
Have your own ideas? Fill it in the comments section below!
SITUATION #2: You love your grandma, but you love her dentures less… You’re just minding your own business, head down and headphones on in an attempt to avoid all those psycho relatives you’ve got. It’s been successful so far, till your grandmother comes strolling along toothless. You could barely understand her, but at some point you get that she wanted her dentures. You don’t really want to touch her slimy teeth, but she did say something. You’re pretty sure she’s asking you to go find those pearly chompers. You…
Sigh, and stand up to go get her dentures. She’s old, she’s senile, and there’s really no point in disobeying. Even if it’s gross, it’s the right thing to do. Wear gloves!
Smile at her, and nod. Don’t do it and say you did! Best way to go when you seriously have no interest in touching an old lady’s removable teeth. She’ll probably forget she asked in a few minutes anyways.
Turn the music up louder and pretend you didn’t hear her. Hey! She’s not the only one who can pretend she’s deaf! You may get scolded later, but hey, it’s worth it if you don’t have to touch someone’s dentures.
None of the above? Then what would you do? Sound off in the comments!
SITUATION #3: You realized early on that your uncle’s got a cold… Why he’s allowed to carve the turkey is something you can’t really understand, but hey, maybe no one else has noticed yet. He offers to help with the brownies you and your mom are making. Not wanting to be rude, you agree. Not five minutes later he’s coughing into the brownie mix. In response, you…
Just try to ignore it and be PC. You’ll remember not to eat the brownies, and stay in the self-quarantine of your own bedroom. Sure your mother will give you the look. But hey, that was coming your direction anyway.
When he’s not looking, knock the bowl to the ground. Laugh and shrug about how klutzy you are, and clean up the mess. You’re just saving everyone some pain!
Give him a look that clearly states just how displeased you are that he’s sneezing into the bowl. Then, dump the mix in the trash. It’s gross and he really should know better. Didn’t Grandma teach you, Uncle Sneeze-a-Lot, anything?
You got a better idea? Fill in the comment section below!
Good luck my iGlobe family and friends! Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Fall Break, heck…just be happy! See you when you get back from travels. I’ll leave the antibiotics out next on the kitchen sink.
Hugs,
The Captain
